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jay z break upSo she’s called it off and kicked you to the curb. The confidence has taken a blow and you’re feeling, well just a bit shit. What can you do to get back to being your old self? Here’s a simple guide that will help get your swagger back, and quick.

This should be done immediately. Delete her number, delete her Facebook and delete the things that are likely to remind you of her. It’s like throwing out an old pair of undies, who needs them hanging around? Some might think this is a bit dramatic and in my last relationship she reacted by telling me it was childish. Truth is, when a girl splits, that’s the choice she’s made and you’ve got every right to shut her out.

She’ll get you thinking somehow you’re the bad guy, and you’re acting immature, but what you’ve really done is hit a nerve as she’s wanting to keep a tab on you and now she can’t. Don’t fall for it. However lonely, low, pissed off, sad, confused, irritated, upset and revengeful you might feel, you mustn’t get in touch. It’s the most obvious piece of advice, but the one we’re likely to fail every time. Nothing good ever happens from being soppy, saying you’ll change or asking what did you did wrong  – all this serves to do is confirm in the ex’s mind that she’s made the right choice.

Don’t decline offers to venture out with mates to just sit in bed and feel sorry for yourself. Go and be social, it will do you much good. I’m not suggesting go out and try score every girl you see in sight, it’s more about hanging with the lads. Enjoy these moments as your mates will be key to helping you keep your mind off the ex and getting you through those tough first months.

I remember probably a month or so after a 5 year relationship breakup, I’d often catch up with a mate after we trained at the gym on Saturdays. We found this great café where a really beautiful waitress happened to work. It took me three visits to do it, but with some encouragement from my mate, I finally went up and asked if she was seeing anyone. While the answer wasn’t favourable as she was in a new relationship, it was the first crucial step in getting that injection of confidence which speeds up your recovery time. It’s a bit like when you try and do something daring like a bigger jump at the snow park and you land it, the next time you’ll approach it with more confidence and land it even better.

People are either a lesson or a blessing. I really like this statement as it serves up some truth about all relationships. It’s not to say that everything you learn is negative, but when you’re in the bubble of a relationship you’re sometimes driving blind.  It wasn’t until I was out of the relationship I could take a step back and look at the whole picture. What did I learn? The biggest learning curve for me is there needs to be a balance in a relationship, where both parties are equally doing for each other and challenging one another in both their personal growth and for the relationship. For me, I was always the one supporting. Sure she did too, on an emotional level when and where it suited her, but I felt I had always put her first, but it wasn’t reciprocated.

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We’re always learning in life, the key is practicing what you’ve learned and not forgetting what you deserve and should expect. Get back out there, be brave and be yourself as the world will be a better place for it.



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