It’s a battlefield out there trying to find love when you’re in your late twenties. The stakes are higher and so are the expectations. You can’t afford to be as carefree with love as you could during your teenage and early twenty something years. As we get older and hopefully mature, the pressure intensifies as the hunt continues to find that soul mate, that one person you simply can’t live without. Searching for that diamond is already a big enough life challenge, so why do we make it so much harder for ourselves? Hear me out..
Women are hoping to meet their perfect guy, which you know seems like a fairly normal thing to do. But here’s the problem – the perfect guy doesn’t exist. Why? Because more often than not women are under the influence of a distorted reality thanks to the portrayal of men with the likes of what you see in film and television. These said characters fail to have any real human faults and paint a portrait the male population can never live up to. Movies aren’t real, the life you lead is. We’re emotional beings that quite often make mistakes, say the wrong things, hurt people, disappoint and serve our own agendas.[line] [pullquote width=”300″ float=”left”] We’re emotional beings that quite often make mistakes, say the wrong things, hurt people, disappoint and serve our own agendas.[/pullquote] [line]
The same can be said for us gents with our ridiculous expectations of women. We see images plastered everywhere of angel like figures (picture Victoria Secret models) who are perfect in every single way and us guys feel the need to strive to find someone who matches this unrealistic expectation. People, we really aren’t doing ourselves or each other any favours when we go in with a set of expectations, that in the world we live in aren’t going to be lived up to. Sure there’s a whole of finger pointing we could do as to why we’re so influenced by the world around us, but I challenge you and I to go about this differently. Why not just be more open, in a way which we’re not lead by a list of demands, wants and must haves, but instead let the person shine through without the massive filters we apply. Of course you’ve got to have some filters, our past experiences often shape these, and I’m not at all saying we all don’t deserve someone that has the values and qualities we are looking for, what I’m trying to get at is that you can’t just order your perfect person. There isn’t a menu or a catalogue you can pick and choose from.[line] [pullquote width=”600″ float=”right”] You can’t just order your perfect person. There isn’t a menu or a catalogue you can pick and choose from.[/pullquote] [line]
We need to stop thinking about finding our significant other like we do when shopping for cars. Who cares about what model, year, how many clicks and past owners. Does any of this really matter? Aren’t we truly in search of someone who we can connect with, confide in, have adventures with, learn from, grow with, be challenged by and ultimately be happy with? Why then do we go in with a list of must-haves? Seems like you’re just cutting out a big chance to meet someone real, someone with substance. How about just going in with an open mind and heart and see what someone can do with it. You may just be surprised.[line] [pullquote width=”300″ float=”right”]How about just going in with an open mind and heart and see what someone can do with it. You may just be surprised.[/pullquote] [line]
I have no real idea of the woman I’m looking for. There’s no wish list, no preference or pin up poster of who she’d be. Sure, I’d love for her to be into bush walks, challenge me to a few games of tennis, let me wear matching pjs and enjoy sleeping in on Sundays, but deep down I’m attracted to someone that’s genuine, authentic and honest. That’s about where it starts and ends for me. The fun is in discovering what makes them, them. Seeing what they love to do, finding out their strange and weird habits and then there’s the even greater enjoyment that comes from doing new things together and learning about what makes us who we are.
I’ve dated a few girls growing up and with each relationship you learn a little more about what the right relationship should look like, but more importantly feel like. It’s this feeling we should be after, not a list of mandatories we think we have to tick to achieve this euphoria. Why close yourself off to meeting someone amazing just because they haven’t passed your 50 check point warrant of eligibility. It just seems so bizarre….. but we’re all guilty of it, me included. Yes there’s reason and justification to be fussy, you can’t just be with anyone and do it cause it’s convenient. You’ve got to do it cause it feels right, and when you let your feelings do what they do best, feel, you’ll end up in a better place. Being fussy doesn’t mean you have to have a big list of requirements, it just means you have to be a little more protected of your feelings and heart and who you spend your time with. The bigger your list, the smaller your chance of meeting that right person because you know what, that person has flaws, they’ve made shit decisions and they’ve lived with consequence. They’re real.[line] [pullquote width=”300″ float=”left”]Go into things with a little less of the things a person must be, and more of the things they could be and you’ll find it may just open you to a whole new colour of love. [/pullquote] [line]
Go into things with a little less of the things a person must be, and more of the things they could be and you’ll find it may just open you to whole new side of yourself that you’ve never seen or experienced. Go out and be you, and allow people to be them.
JAHEB LIVES IN AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND AND SPENDS HIS WEEKDAYS WORKING IN THE ADVERTISING INDUSTRY. IN HIS SPARE TIME HE'S OFTEN OUT SURFING THE COASTLINES, PLAYING TENNIS AND HITTING THE NIGHT LIFE WITH MATES. HE ‘S ON A MISSION TO HELP GUYS FEEL CONFIDENT IN WHO THEY ARE BY SHARING SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT MAN RELATED STUFF, FROM MEN’S STYLE, TO FITNESS AND HEALTH. YOU CAN DROP HIM A LINE AT JAHEB@THEUNIMPOSSIBLES.COM FOLLOW HIM ON INSTAGRAM _JAHEB